Friendship

Sepia Girls - Rachel, Kelly, Suzy
Originally uploaded by peachicken.

Since summer school ended, I've been working hard at fixing up a digital archive of all our old photos. (You may have noticed a dramatic increase of images on my flickr account!) Well, seeing pictures of old friends gets one in a sort of nostalgic sentiment. Add that, plus the fact that I haven't (as of yet) made many yankee buddies, and you end up with a big ball of lonely Suzy-ness.

Anyway, I was reading a magazine yesterday about the "Ten Friends that Every Woman Needs" by Dr. Jan Yager and I found it to be really helpful. She says research shows that by having at least one close friend you can physically improve and extend your life! She defines a friend as "someone you are not related to either by birth or by marriage." (Sorry Tim!) Yager, who has studied friendship for almost twenty-five years, came up with a list of ten types of friends, some of which may overlap. (Thank goodness! I don't think I even have ten non-related friends!) Here they are:

1. Casual Friend = Someone with whom you have a connection with, but it is far from intimate, something more than an a acquaintance and less than a close friend. This is someone to share "information and activities." (I need a shopping buddy!)
2. Close Friend = Someone you feel comfortable enough with to be yourself, regardless of the situation. You can "confide your private thoughts or feelings" with a close friend because you share a mutual trust.
3. Best Friend = Someone with whom you share a high level of intimacy, with "an assumption of exclusivity, " regardless of living distance.
4. Same-Sex Friend = Someone of the same gender that helps you "validate or challenge your own perspectives and is able to share about similar experiences... with issues related to fashion, career, romantic relationships, or childbearing."
5. Opposite-Sex Friend = Someone who provides you with "a break from those gender-specific ways of connecting" and provides a difference of opinion. (I miss my boys from the theater in Johnson City!)
6. Nostalia Friend = "A nostalgia friend reminds you of where you've been as a way of reaffirming how far you've traveled in life." This friend supplies continuity as well as structure.
7. Role Model Friend = This friend takes you to the next level. This is someone you admire for their life choices and who inspires you to push forward.
8. Motivator Friend = When you feel defeated or overwhelmed, this friend picks you up out of the mud and inspires you to keep trying. (Usually, this is my mom's role...)
9. Realist Friend = This friend "tempers your enthusiasm and wild plans with welcome and well-meaning realism." The realist helps you keep your feet on the ground by supplying other ideas and options you may not have explored yet. (This is also mom!)
10. Nurturer Friend = This friend supports both physically and emotionally, empathizing with your joys and sadness on "a deep level that it helps you feel safer and stronger."

Yager says that these are all friends we need to feel fulfilled and that it is important that we also fulfill these roles as friends. Just something to think about!